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All this week, I’ve been showing you unusual Valentine gift suggestions from Fiverr, the place where shit gets real for $5.™

We started looking for love in all the wrong places with Spandy Andy, then moved into rapping, heavy sarcasm and a custom video Valentine. And they were all well worth the $5 investment, believe me.

But tonight?

Well, tonight is a religious experience.

- Get your own personal Jesus here

Don’t confuse the shower egg with the bedroom egg and accidentally pee the bed thinking you’re being economical.

- More from the catwalk here

Thanks to Winning at Everything for the tip

(941): He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.

(231): Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?

(918): Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?

(940): Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?

(712): Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth.

I’d love to be able to just pack up all my stuff inside my furniture and stack it up on an ocean liner for a voyage.

(850): Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.

(678): Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.

(615): You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs.

(314): you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.

(715): if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid.

(201): U took a sewing needle to his nipple (1-201): Psshh,.

(347): Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta.

(507): Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?

(614): This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!

(412): I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.

You can get a kit for this Lucasnerd-approved cable organizer from GeekCook, or you can fix one up yourself using sections of that Princess Leia cardboard cut-out you owned in the ’70s.

You did, don’t deny it.

~Not-”Not-So-Handy Andy” Jack